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What To Say to Our Ex to Get Her Back
When faced with an unwanted or unexpected breakup, men are sometimes at a loss as to what to do. Not only did our confidence take a hit, but sometimes we struggle with a clear idea of how we can convince our ex that the breakup was a mistake. Now, some women might say that some men are too good to get back into their good books. We’re not talking about those types of men, we’re talking about the ones who really want the relationship to last, but are wondering things like what to say to their ex to get them back. Let’s look at some tips on how to approach this prickly problem.
If a woman has ended a relationship, she probably has her reasons. If we seriously want to convince our ex to start the relationship again, we need to be prepared to work to overcome what caused the split in the first place. Of course, sometimes it will not be clear why they were downloaded. But most of the time, we have at least an idea of why things have become pear-shaped. We need it, because if we manage to get a second chance, we don’t want to screw it up for the same reasons as the first.
Another important thing to consider is why we want our ex back. Are we just missing the company of a good woman? If so, chances are we don’t specifically need our ex. But if our desire to get back with the ex is related to who he is and what he means to us, then we are in business.
Now for a little introspection. What was it about us that attracted our ex? Was it our looks, our wit, our caring side, our ambition? He used to enjoy our doting on her, and the way we made her feel like the center of our universe. Whatever the case may be, we must ask ourselves the question if we have stopped doing any or all of these things. It is better to be honest with our answer, because the probability is that we have at least eased the accelerator. Don’t be too hard on yourself, it’s only natural that as a relationship settles into that comfort zone that sometimes we start to put in less effort. But now is the time to remind ourselves how important that effort can be. Can we easily be the person our ex is in love with long term? If so, we still have a chance.
Next, what should we say to our ex to get her back? The first meeting with an ex after a breakup, or even the first phone conversation can be a make or break point. Here are a couple of tips on what not to say. Don’t beg. You’ll feel miserable afterwards and you’ll probably only earn their pity, not their interest. Try not to criticize, this really only serves to highlight the fact that you are “conflicted”, which is the very mindset we are trying to overcome. Try not to be standoffish … even if we feel that he took our feelings and stomped them into the dust. We don’t want her to feel guilty, we want her back because we are good for her.
So what can we say? Keeping it light is a good start. Don’t be afraid to be direct about where you are, and consider using some of the good memories you have to your advantage. Channel who you are when you’re at your best (even if that’s not how your self can really make sense). Lets be confident, there was a reason it fell for you in the first place, and chances are you can make it happen again.
If we manage to convince our ex to meet with us, pay attention to his body language. There is a technique known as “mirroring” where we can appear in sync with someone by adjusting our body language to mirror theirs. If he touches your hand during the conversation, reciprocate. If she uses some reference to your past that is positive, reinforce it with something similar. Mirroring should be subtle, so it doesn’t stand out, but it can be effective if it’s used correctly.
Finally, what you need to do for your ex to get him back could be a whole combination of these things, and it may take some time. Don’t be afraid to let your attempts to bring her around take a little longer than you might have first hoped. Pushing things in a way that creates pressure for her is a sure way to generate a polar reaction, and one that reinforces her initial decision to call. Instead, be focused on her. If he has a big case or review at work, send him a note of encouragement. With the prevalence of social networks these days, it is easier than ever to follow how your ex is doing and provide some pleasant memories that you think of her.
Having a plan makes all the difference, and striking a balance between proactively getting your ex back, but letting him realize that he still needs you is essential.
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