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Maternal Rejection – Mom, Why Did You Mess Up My Sex Life?
While the father’s contribution to the sexual development and maturity of children is important, so is the role of the mother. Compassion is the key word. Mothers are made to nurture and show compassion – not sympathy but empathy. This aspect of mother’s love develops one’s own sexual identity and the ability to share. If mothers do not show intimacy through compassion, children will not mature in this domain with their future partners. The result can be sexual deviation and disordered needs that undermine the stability, identity and values of children. Right and wrong become blurred boundaries.
When mothers refer to their children as sexually underdeveloped, a fascination with the same sex is created. Such children begin to compare their sexual apparatus with others. This leads to sexual experimentation too early in life.
Some supposedly liberated mothers entertain their children with porn movies, destroying their perspective of sexual propriety for the rest of their lives. A man who came for the ministry here told how his mother masturbated him and performed oral sex on him from the tender age of one year. He was not able to form strong sexual bonds in the divine way. In some cultures, this practice is common – for both sexes.
Is it a boy or a girl?
Referring to children who have too many qualities of the opposite sex is another form of rejection. Role change is often the result. Some children are gifted in areas more commonly suited to the opposite sex, and in most cases they should be encouraged to develop such a talent.
We know of a young man who was gifted in designing clothes for men and women from the age of twelve. His mother squelched this gift, considering it feminine. “This is the feminine side of him coming out,” she said repeatedly. She talked about it so often that her feminine side really came out. He treated his brother in a similar manner. The day came when the two brothers contacted my colleague and asked him to marry me! He refused, of course. Another pastor accepted.
Twisted ideas of sex
The next type of rejection is when mothers talk about their sexual desires to their children, causing a twisted sexual desire. A mother related to her children in detail how and why she loved to have sex with black men. They became obsessed with the shape and sexuality of these men.
A common mistake makes boys feel unacceptable: “Don’t go crying, now. It’s not the manly thing to do.” For children and women, men and women, the release of pent-up emotions in tears is healthy and right. The poisons of the body are released as only crying can do. Why should shame stop men from crying? Jesus wept.
These boys are forced to carry injuries that build to a tragic climax. One such treatment is a chainsaw that cruelly bludgeons its insides.
More Rejection from Mama’s Mouth
Another big mistake is reflected in the following words: “This is something only for mothers. Boys do not know that boys cannot become mothers.” Instead of explaining the different roles, such mothers make general statements that limit certain activities to mothers. This causes a fixation in the minds of boys. They can start dressing and acting like mom. They can put on lipstick.
And mother can make other generalizations. “Girls should always stay at home. It’s the boys who go out and work.” This is a misidentification of roles and does not allow for individual differences or special situations.
“Doing the dishes is a woman’s job.” Laundry, vacuuming, cleaning and raising children are not the exclusive domain of women. Company shares the responsibility. When children are unable to fit into stereotypical roles, they feel rejected.
Mothers can cause high levels of frustration in children by unrealistic expectations in the sexual, mental or spiritual domains. Mother can expect her children to date from the age of twelve or thirteen. If they don’t have that desire, they feel rejected. They will fail to measure up to a false standard. This is especially hard for girls.
My colleague advised a young woman whose mother beat her. For what? She had dated a certain boy three times and was still a virgin. “Aren’t you smart enough to bed a man?” The mother’s words of rejection were followed by severe beatings. The result can be violent behavior in such children, even violence to themselves. At the very least, the sexual fire of adolescence can burn uncontrollably when this type of rejection occurs.
Some mothers have difficulty bonding with the opposite sex. They divorce their husbands, prevent children from contacting their father. They do not date other men, but only have women to visit the house. Children are confused about their sexual identity.
Mama’s Girls or Tomboys?
Calling a girl a boy is another form of rejection and labeling. The fact that some girls are more ambitious and have different interests than other girls is no reason to call them boys. They have difficulty seeing themselves as homemakers and whole people and cannot submit well to their husbands. They can be domineering and can even emotionally castrate their husbands. They take aggressive behavior towards men and use degrading language to other women. They develop unrealistic expectations and unless other factors neutralize the curse, they may end up killing themselves at an early age.
Mothers should validate daughters who are more adventurous, encouraging them to pursue their interests. This will allow these girls to settle later and be at peace with them. Mothers should encourage these daughters to see themselves as curious females – not flawed males. Otherwise they will always be striving for something and will never be satisfied. They become self-oriented, unhappy partners and overbearing mothers.
Pantywaists – Wasted Manhood
One of my cousin’s favorite epithets that he liked to throw at other boys was, “You’re a pansy!” You’ve heard similar labels: pantywaist, sissy, family wallflower, sucky-pants. Mothers who curse their boys with such words destroy manhood and self-confidence and make them feel like strangers.
Parents are generally unaware of the fact that this lack of strength in their boys is caused by trauma in early childhood. Few mothers have access to our seminar that deals with freedom from trauma through the blood of Jesus. We explain the seven traumas that Jesus suffered for us, opening the way to freedom in a special communion.
God’s people are truly, as the Word says, destroyed for lack of knowledge. So ignorant mothers label their children as sissies or wimps. These rejection labels create sexual confusion, deviance and desire. They are not able throughout their lives to show manly leadership. Rather than raise a battle cry of victory, they moan in fear and never move in confidence. From family barbs, to school etiquette on the school floor to adults’ workplace, peers and co-workers harass and torment them throughout their lives. They never recover.
They cannot see things through the eyes of a man. They take the feminine approach, which in its emotional richness is beautiful for a woman, but destructive for a man. They are powerless to defend and provide for themselves – not to mention their inadequacy in protecting the fairer sex. In group settings, they shyly slip into invisibility. Nobody knows who I am. They don’t talk. They feel unsatisfied in every area of their lives.
Mothers who label their boys as feminine and weak destroy their future. It would probably be more merciful for the mother to take an ax and cut off the child’s head (not that we recommend this). She prolongs his misery long after he leaves his nest.
Every child is unique. When mothers recognize, appreciate and nurture the special qualities and gifts of each child, these children flourish. When they are rejected by labeling, they become hopeless and useless in society. Such a rejection by the mother is much more serious than if a father calls the child female.
The ugly process begins with the trauma and fear caused by these messes. Ridiculed for their fear instead of being taught to overcome it, they pass into a shadow state. Then they start blaming others for everything. They have a strong need to curse and gossip.
“Sticks and stones may break my bones, but names always hurt deeper”
Negative names with a sexual connotation can have far-reaching consequences in the lives of children. Mothers who reject their children in this way can walk for life.
One mother kept referring to her son as “my little carrot stick.” He suffered ridicule and torment for this slur. When he turns seventeen, he kills himself. But he thought this term was expensive. Another mother referred to her son as “two peas and a half.” She said this in public, at parties and other gatherings. These sexual names are not funny to the child.
Some mothers referred to their young daughters as “squaws”, “my future whore” or “hole”. Even apparently positive terms are prejudiced: “He’s a real ladies’ man” or “a woman killer.” These words twist their little minds and set them on a wrong path.
A mother was heard at a church festival to introduce her son who was in the middle of the first stage of puberty as “mother’s little tent”. She used this term instead of her name. He was so embarrassed that he never attended church.
Hundreds of such names exist. Everyone identifies a child with gender and sexual needs. When they come out of the mouths of those who are called by God to nurture and encourage their children and teach compassion by example, they inflict deep wounds. They are confused about their sexual identity. Fears and phobias make them embarrassed and anxious. Fearing more shame, they begin to use witchcraft because those sexual terms have cursed them with the spirit of seduction. Witchcraft usually begins with “wishcraft.” They want this or that to get out of their situation.
Children loaded with sexual nicknames become morbidly fascinated by sex – sometimes even killing others to get new sexual highs. These names identify them with a sexual act rather than giving them a real identity. Perversions and sexual deviations are the result. This identification with adult sexual relations, needs or fantasies opens the door of the devil. Ninety demons are released.
The first demon that begins to take charge is cruelty. When names associate children with sex, they become unable to say no to rape. They may sexually molest other children. The names give her maternal approval to overcome all sexual barriers. They are more likely to be affected by the spirit of manipulation. They will manipulate others to fulfill their sexual fantasies, often using harsh teasing.
He never knew love – only lust. They are self-absorbed and engage in role play. They will enjoy the meat at all costs. They find fault with everything so they can justify their sexual escapades. Aim for wallowing, self-pity, sympathy-seeking and discontent. Perversion is activated by the spirit of cruelty. Compulsivity and addictions trick them. They have a great fear of exposure – but not enough to curb their sexual abandon.
These sexual references bring fantasy, pornography, voyeurism and self-mutilation. They will look at pictures of those of the same sex, judging by the standard of these models. They want to destroy those they think are more beautiful than them. Satisfaction, peace and joy escape them. A relationship with Jesus is always seen through perverted eyes.
The healing of this kind of rejection is impossible without intercessory prayer and without Jesus.
Copyright 2007, Robert B. Scott
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