How Important Do You Think Language And Name-Calling Really Is Effective Communication in Marriage

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Effective Communication in Marriage

Many marriage counselors identify communication as a major problem in marriage. The lack of communication has a devastating effect on the couple, leading to emotional isolation. Because communication nourishes the relationship, it is important that couples acquire this skill to strengthen the marital bond. It is a way to allow the spouses to meet the needs of each other, while having their own needs.

Men and women have different ways of communicating. This is probably biologically determined. Social education, culture and environment can influence the way people communicate. In some cultures, women are shy and have difficulty expressing themselves. Men tend to focus on objective impersonal things. Women are more involved in the emotional and personal dimension of life. Men have difficulty speaking and revealing their innermost thoughts. They struggle shy of giving praise.

Communication has many dimensions. Just talking makes up only about 50% of all communication. Body language, facial expression, tone of voice can communicate anger, sadness, happiness and other emotions. Communication is not just the exchange of information. It can be sharing of feelings, details about daily events, discussion about things that affect the home and family. Unless there is free communication between spouses, it is impossible to gauge what is going on in each other’s minds. Assuming they love each other and want to keep their partners happy, they should tell each other what makes them happy. One cannot rest on the assumption that the other is a mind reader. Communication should be at every level and every aspect of their life. Many decisions have to be taken in the course of their marital journey. Unless they communicate and make decisions together, life will not be easy. Everyone can have their own ideas about how to deal with a particular problem. Only communication will allow easier decision-making through understanding, negotiation and cooperation.

Ways to communicate:

Speaking and listening are two aspects of communication. The conversation should be warm and loving, not loud and abrasive.

“Let your conversations always be full of grace.” (Colossians 4:6.)

Hurtful words must be filtered. Romantic and sexual needs, if not conveyed properly, end in frustration and lack of true intimacy. Intimate self-disclosure and expressions of affection bring the couple closer. Sex is considered the highest level of communication.

During the first few months of marriage, there is a lot of communication between couples. It is a time of discovery, freshness and novelty. They communicate thoughts and feelings through physical intimacy. They focus on each other to the exclusion of all others. This is a time for open communication – the freedom to express thoughts, hopes, dreams or even failures.

“Partners have to express what they want, what they feel and most importantly, what they think the other wants,” says Richard C. Richard, professor of Philosophy.

But time passes, this opening disappears. Men usually start talking less. Expressing his love becomes difficult. They don’t compliment the woman on her appearance or her dress or her cooking skills. The woman begins to complain: “He never talks to me. We had so much to say to each other.” Now the conversation is about worldly matters, family needs, money, budget or children’s school. If both of them have a busy job and come home late in the evening, they are not in the mood to talk. The woman finds it easier to text her husband that dinner is ready, even if he is in the next room reading the newspaper or watching TV.

To be a good listener:

The listener must give undivided attention to what the other is saying. Inattention can kill communication. Frequent interruptions or unsolicited advice can disrupt the flow of communication. The whole message must first be heard. If there are doubts, it can be clarified later. If the opinions differ, there must be room for discussion, so that they can arrive at a mutually satisfactory solution.

How to argue constructively:

It is important to keep in mind that spouses are not enemies. They are both fighting on the same side. Arguments are part of every marriage. But couples should develop a healthy communication technique and discuss in a spirit of love. The idea is to recognize and understand the other person’s point of view. There should be no threatening gestures, no invocation or abusive language, no exaggeration or blame. Words that hurt others leave ugly scars.

Annoying problems should not be swept under the carpet. It must be discussed in an atmosphere of equanimity, in view of the resolution.

“Do not let the sun go down on your anger,” is a sound biblical exhortation

Even if you disagree, there should be mutual respect for the other’s point of view. “Quick to listen, slow to speak, slow to rage” and “speaking the truth in love”, are important points to remember. If there is an annoying problem, “Bringing the problem out into the open can cause a temporary crisis,” says psychologist Neville Vines, “But if this crisis raises a frank conversation, it helps the couple develop the skills and insights to deal with it with future conflicts. Every time a couple overcomes a problem, it strengthens their marriage – because they learn that they can resolve differences.”

If he is too vague about his needs, there is no hope of being satisfied. A woman who feels neglected should bring this up to her husband. “I wish we spent more time together.”

A man who feels that his wife is disinterested in her work might say, “I love it when you ask me about my day.”

Silence creates a barrier between couples. Cut off communication. A verbal block leads to pent-up anger, miscommunication, hurt feelings and creates a wedge between relationships.

There are times when communication doesn’t need words. A husband and wife can be sitting next to a sofa watching TV. Their mere proximity to each other can be a form of communication that they love being together. There are times when words are not needed. Body language speaks for itself. The comfort of physical closeness, a hug or a hand assures the couple that they are one. Doing things together, listening to music, going for a walk are also forms of communication.

Good communication skills ensure that marriage partners nurture each other’s self-esteem.

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